Spring should be called Limbo. It's really a time of waiting: for the weather to settle, for blooms and blossoms to color the world again, for the moment we can shed layers of warm clothes for airy, lightweight ones, anticipate firing up the barby.
I've been in a weird limbo of my own these past few weeks, not just because of the long, blurry days after the surgery thing, but also the constant worry about Ozzy's situation. I thought all my steps to ensure his well-being were making a difference as he hadn't had a spell or any serious difficulties in close to ten days. Then after a really nice, casual walk at the park this morning, I loaded Max into the car, turned for Oz...and he was laying unconscious in the wet grass. I scooped him up, and after a few minutes of talking and coaxing, he revived.
Even knowing he will never get better, I still...well, I didn't get complacent exactly, but I let myself hope. Because if I carried him up and down the stairs, kept him calm and relaxed, took him on short, easy walks, who knows what miracles might happen? Foolish ostrich woman.
I cried all the way home, then called my sister and cried some more. I know what has to happen, but I can't do it. Just yesterday he was chasing his little ball around the living room, now I should call the vet and make an appointment for his demise? No. I'll stay in limbo for just a bit longer...
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The first turkey vulture was drifting on the thermals this morning. I love watching those enormous birds riding the high currents, rarely flapping their wings as they soar across the valley, over the forests. Though I've only seen the one so far, it's weeks too early for any of them to be here already.
Tomorrow is supposed to reach the low 80s. In March. I don't know what to say anymore about the screwed up weather--and I mean weather everywhere, not just where I'm standing. Mother Nature is taking back her own, I fear, and we won't stand a chance.
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I'm going to spend the next couple of days with Mitch and Kate. I left them hanging two weeks ago, Mitch shot and maybe concussed, Ace growling at imminent danger, and Kate taking charge. I can't wait to see how Mitch handles that....bwah haha.
You want to stay in limbo? Fine. Just do right by the hound. I'd apologize if that comes across harsh, but my mother taught me it was impolite to lie.
ReplyDeleteAfter nary a dusting, we'll be back to balmy for the for the next four to five days. It feels like April/very early May. Whilst I'll not antromophrisize what is happening as the whims of Gaia, I am dreadful interested to see how our species adapts...if it does.
I'm interested to see how your story goes. Hopefully, a bit lighter on the fruffy pink shit ;p...
If Oz was in pain--actual physical pain--I wouldn't hesitate for an instant, but when he's only out for mere moments and fine for the rest of the time...???? Too hard to make the call.
ReplyDeleteEven badass Mitch isn't "up" for romance whilst he's bleeding and woozy. Guess that means you're saved from that pesky pink stuff...for now.
Your cold weather came here. It's going down to 40F tonight. If I can I'm sending it back.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost Buddy to cancer I waited until he let me know he was tired of fighting and ready to go to the next place. It was a combination of how he was breathing and just the way he looked at me, and I know how silly that sounds but I just knew he was ready, and that made me ready. It was three days before Christmas so we had it early for him, and spent the day cuddling and pampering him so everyone could say goodbye before I took him in. So trust yourself and him and you'll know when the time comes.
My BFF said the same, that I'll know. She struggled with the decision for her sweet dog Grace, never sure when to make the call...then one morning, she knew it was time and so did Grace.
DeleteThis is the hard and shitty part of having a pet--a word far too small to contain all that Ozzy has meant to my life. He's my family, not just a wee, aging dog.