I've been off the grid for most of the week, mainly because I needed to get my head straightened out. Too many tears, too much reflection, way too many sleepless nights.
Over the past few days I've spent lots of time with my wee boy--who, by the way, has miraculously bounced back from his near death experience of last week. We've even gone to the park twice, and walked to the mailbox every afternoon. It helps that the weather has been exceptionally Spring-like; warm and sunny days that seem to make everyone feel...I don't know...lighter? The inevitable is still going to happen, but I've made my peace with it and just want to enjoy Ozzy for however long he's here.
It's hard to remember, whilst in the throes of heartbreak, that letting go is part of life. It doesn't lessen the pain, or diminish the grief to know this, but I accept that life and death are two sides of the same coin.
Right now, it's enough that I can look across the room and see him laying on the carpet, taking a nap in a patch of sunlight streaming though the open front door.
On Wednesday, I made one more attempt at the Victoria Sponge cake. It still isn't right, but maybe with a bit more experimenting, I might get closer to the cake I loved. Though, I don't know if I want to keep fiddling with a recipe that will never be right, or just find a new cake recipe and move on. And really, other than the Victoria Sponge, I actually prefer pie over cake anyway.
The cream and raspberry jam were oozy and delicious, though the cake itself wasn't moist enough. Still, for just a moment, I was home in my Edinburgh kitchen, kettle on for tea and a nice slice of Victoria Sponge ready to eat...
Amazing that Daylight Savings starts on Sunday. I feel like I've been in a coma and missed Winter. I'm pretty sure Halloween was just the other day...wasn't it? Well, except that I have daffodils and azaleas blooming, and my cherry trees are covered in a riot of pink blossoms, no matter that all of this is at least six weeks too early...
Next week I might need time off from writing and blogging because on Tuesday I have the eye surgery thing--another reason why I've been losing sleep. Messing around with my eyes in any capacity just freaks me out, then add in needles and blood and stitches and holy hell, I'm done for.
Time for lunch now, then I need to get the next chapter written over on the Scribbles site, and I received an ARC for a new book that I have to read and post a review on this weekend....and I absolutely need to find some space to meditate, and be in the moment. It's the only way to keep the evil twin locked down in the sub-basement and out of my thoughts...