Now comes the dreaded moment on the calendar that ruins my sleep patterns, bio-rhythms and mental acuity for a good week or more. Yes, tonight my reality is altered by that peculiar game, Playing with Time. Governments around the globe, apparently wanting to emulate Dr Who, put on their Time Lord scarves, force us all into the Tardis, and against all that makes sense in a modern 21st century world, spew us out on Sunday morning to find we've fallen backward (or forward) in the space/time continuum one whole hour.
Did you know this arcane practice was started in 1916, in Germany? To conserve coal during World War I. Europe decided it was a splendid notion, and hey, never let it be said America can't get on board a stupid idea, so in 1918, we joined in the madness.
Now, I have two real issues here. Has anyone noticed that WWI has been over for nearly 100 years? And hey, how 'bout all that coal we're using these days? When was the last time you were down in the basement, shoveling coal into a shuttle to haul upstairs? Uh huh.
Another interesting factoid: most of the planet has dumped time change. Seriously. It's not done throughout the world anymore. Check this out:
Blue: Time Lords Rule
Orange: Threw Time Lords Out
Red: Never Let Time Lords In
We Spring Forward, we Fall Back. We're pushed, we're pulled. We gain, we lose. What are we, yoyos? No. We're just tired humans, exhausted by the machinations of an antiquated and meaningless system. Let's free Time to live on its own terms, as the universe intended. We need to stop the madness, people. It will save our sanity, our internal rhythms, our basic way of life. Let's start a petition, rally the troops, take back our clocks!
Most importantly, however, we need to make it perfectly clear to those foolish and inept pretenders, those government officials with lofty aspirations:
There can be only one Time Lord, and his name is Dr Who...