Have you ever been sitting around with friends, talking, musing about stuff, and that fantasy question arises: What would you do if you won the lottery? Or maybe it's the other mythical question: If you could live anywhere, where would it be? I've had that conversation, many times. It seems so clear and easy to answer either question when everyone's laughing, drinking, playing the game, and it's just for fun, nothing to lose.
But in real life? Having too many choices is oddly paralyzing. Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't won the lottery, and most certainly don't have the wherewithal to buy a small island off the coast of Brazil, though after I get rid of the Money Pit, I will have options. The problem is, I can't figure out what to do with that.
One very cool thing about the road trip this past weekend were the long drives, with Mom and the boys, as we went speeding down the highway, enclosed in our little car bubble. We had some really good, meaningful conversations, plus it always helps clarify things in my mind if I can talk it out. The boys are my usual sounding board, though for the most part, their input isn't too relevant...
"What should I do, boys?"
"Give us more treats!"
"Where are we going to live, guys?"
"The park! The park!"
Mom's input was decidedly more valuable.
What I've taken away from this latest fact-finding mission is that I won't be moving to the coast. It's a beautiful place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Way too isolated, towns too small, nary a thing to capture my interest other than walking the dogs on the beach every day, and oh, be still my beating heart, that level of excitement is nearly overwhelming, isn't it?
It became quite clear to me last night--after getting home to the quiet--that there are basic things I want. Like a bookstore, a cinema, a theatre for plays or concerts; cafes with good coffee and pastries where I could sit and dink on my laptop, or read a book and no one would be bothered; a choice in grocery stores, and other shops; good parks or trails to take the dogs; a place where I can walk to most of the above and don't have to drive everywhere.
Well damn. I've just described my life in Edinburgh; the only place that fits the bill, but is unfortunately 6,000 miles away from this mountain aerie where I'm mired in indecision, paralyzed by options, and can't make a bloody choice to save myself.
Now what, you ask?? I'm doomed, that's what.