And The Winner Is...

So.  This morning I'm standing at the kitchen sink.  I have one last swallow of coffee before I rinse out my mug and head for the shower.  I'm not exactly sure what happened...maybe I inadvertently sucked in some air just as I tipped my head and the mug.  We will never know, dear readers.

I realize immediately--choking was my first clue--that the coffee has gone down the wrong pipe.  I can't spew it into the sink because my throat has already closed.  Before I can even grasp what's happening, the entire swallow flies out my nose.

If there was a contest for Extreme Nose Snorting, I would have just won the World Championship.  That seemingly small amount of coffee exploded in a volcanic burst from my nose, spraying the sink, backsplash and an innocent plant on the counter.  With coffee flaming through my sinuses, I cough and sputter and gasp for breath and yet somehow--an inexplicable conundrum of physics--still more coffee runs out my nose, down my chin, all over my shirt, my socks and the floor.

Holy crap, people, it was just one little swallow!

Eventually I get control of the hacking and spewing and near-death of it all.  When I blow my nose, I discover there's quite a residual caffeine rush in snorting coffee as opposed to drinking it.  Though I'm pretty sure this technique won't catch on...the nasal burn just isn't worth it.