Friday, March 29, 2013

The Borg

It was bad enough getting hacked last month, resulting in the loss of hundreds of my irreplaceable photographs and documents, and having to purchase a new laptop, but what I never mentioned were the issues I had with my bank account in Scotland. 

I have to do digital banking, due to the inconvenience of that pesky 6,000 mile gap between here and there, which I've been doing with no problems for nearly two years.  Because of the hack job, I went to my account on the bank's website, just to reassure myself that all was well. 

And couldn't log on.  My password didn't work, and yet two weeks prior I had been online to verify my HM Revenue tax refund had been deposited.

Naturally, I freak out.  I have to wait until the following morning to call the bank due to the 8-hour time difference.  When I get through to a very helpful and kind fellow, we check my account and all is well.  Though, because I can't just pop into my bank in Edinburgh, they have to send me an access code through the mail to reactive  my inexplicably non-active account.  It should only take 7-10 days, says Chris.

Three weeks later, still no letter.  I call the bank again.  This time I get Sam, another very helpful and kind fellow.  After talking and going over details, we figure the first letter, for whatever reason, never got sent.  Sam puts me on hold so he can talk to the actual department who send out these damn letters.  I wait for nearly ten minutes.  When he comes back, he's angry and apologetic.  Apparently what he was attempting to do was have the digital dumbasses give me the access code over the phone, but while he's explaining my problem to them, they electronically initiate the process of sending me another letter.

Which invalidates the first letter should that miraculously appear.  He tells them what they've done is totally unacceptable as I have already been waiting three weeks to access my account!  Too bad for me.  Too late now.  Button's been pushed.  Nothing to be done. 

I plan to call the bank this morning as three more weeks have passed whilst waiting for the second letter.  I've kept a firm grip on my temper, remained nice and polite, but now I've had enough.  However, last night when the boys and I walk to the mail box, lo and behold, the letter has arrived. 

This morning I sit down with my bank details, the letter and a sigh of relief that my six-week ordeal is finally over.

I put in my details, the code, and...wait...what?  Why do I have to reconfirm my account details?  All I want to do is put in the damned frigging bloody bugger-all sodding code!  I go through all the hoops of name, address, blah blah, then hit Next so I can put in my activation code and get on with my day.

The activation code I have used has expired, but they will send me a letter, that I should get in 7-10 days with my new code.

I stare in horror at this message.  NO!  I don't want a new goddamn letter or code!  I have it in my hand! 

Then I notice the date on the letter. 

It's the first one.  It took six weeks to be delivered.  That means the second letter is still three weeks out and will also be invalid when it eventually comes because today the third letter has been electronically sent from the online banking site.

Needless to say, I came unglued.  I can't scream and yell like I want to because the dogs would wig out, so I went downstairs and violently cleaned the garage, sweeping and snarling and mumbling and cursing until I had vented as best I could without tearing out my hair in utter frustration.

Monday I will get up at the crack of dawn to call the bank and though I want to rage against the juggernaut, it will change nothing.  I'll still have to wait. 

Resistance is futile.

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